My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
