You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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