Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
