That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
