Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
