Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
