I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
