FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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