My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
