Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
