oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
