its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
