SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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