can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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