Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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