Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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