just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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