mondays should just be called national damage control day
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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