i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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