I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
