Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
