UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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