is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
