Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
