Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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