I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
