Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
