So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
