Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
