He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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