I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
