someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
