Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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