hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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