She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
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