im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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