Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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