the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
