Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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