you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
