Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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