I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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