I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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