she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
