It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
