I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
