Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
