I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
