Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
