Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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