Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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