i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
