what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We left the knife in your bed.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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