did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
