i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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